The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices more tips here by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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